It starts out like any other day.
You wake up, hopeful today will be better than yesterday but worried about what your mind will do.
Today getting up was easy.
A good sign, maybe today will be a good day.
Breakfast, shower, brush teeth.
Make up, clothes, comb hair.
Maybe today will be a good day.
You have plans.
You’re anxious about people.
Train or tram.
Bus or walk.
Go or stay.
Victory – today might be a good day.
You stop the thought loops from consuming you – victory.
You don’t mind when someone looks at you – victory.
The sun is shining and you appreciate it – victory.
When your mind wanders to your anxiety about purpose, what yours is, whether you’ll ever find it, you turn it off, bury it away – victory.
And then, when you least expect it, happy.
You’re not used to feeling it, not because you don’t sometimes have victories but because often you’re too numb to feel them.
But this time the happiness consumes you.
Makes you want to cry.
Makes you want to roll it up into a ball and hold it to your chest forever.
You are relieved that you can feel this, excited that there is still life in you.
You close your eyes, lift your head to the sun, exhale.
Today is a good day.